Victory
isn’t a word often associated with mental illness. Those who struggle with mental illness frequently have feelings of
powerlessness, helplessness and worthlessness.
As someone who lives with depression, I can attest to the paralyzing
fear – sometimes triggered by seemingly benign situations. How could making breakfast be scary? What is
so terrifying about doing laundry (providing you’re not doing it in a stream in
the wilds of Africa next to a pride of hungry lions!)? And unless you’ve had a traumatic experience
akin to “Psycho” in the shower, what in the world is so bloody (pardon the pun)
terrifying about getting clean? These fears usually aren’t rational, but they
are nonetheless debilitating. So, when
you actually summon up enough pluck to leave the house and do a couple of
simple errands, it’s a BIG DEAL!
Fast
forward to a recent Sunday morning. I
left the house to get cigarettes (yes, I know…let me deal with one life change
at a time) and a PSL from Starbucks that I really didn’t need. It was crazy busy when I walked in – two months
ago, my anxiety would’ve made me turn around and go home. But, after being in therapy for a while, I
was happy to wait. As I watched the
people in line ahead of me, I noticed that two of the baristas were people I knew
from previous jobs. I took the risk of
saying hello, (sometimes pretty scary when you’re not in the best headspace)
and that led to a quick chat with each of them.
It also led to a couple of job leads (something else that’s been front
of mind lately). Little victory #1!
As
I later approached the convenience store, a woman held the door for me and told
me “Come on in” while I was still 10 feet away.
How lovely! To have such a genuine heartfelt interaction with a complete
stranger, was certainly unexpected and boosted my blossoming mood even more!
Little victory #2!
Something
I’ve been discovering as of late, is that a little momentum goes a LONG way…the
snowball effect, without an avalanche or B-movie plot attached! If I hadn’t gone out to do two small errands,
not only would I be sitting at home feeling my usual lowness, not to mention
going into nicotine withdrawal, but I Wouldn’t have reconnected with two very
nice people, AND I may have missed an potential employment opportunity in the
process.
Needless to say, that rapidly
growing snowball inspired me to come home and write – something my therapists
highly recommend.
I’m
celebrating the little victories, in hopes of attracting more…
With hope,
Rhonda
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